Rockstars, Wizards and Warriors need not apply

Blogger: Ingrid Joffe

Scan the online job classifieds for online marketing roles and you’ll see posts that describe ideal candidates in more outrageous terms than ever.

Check out these recent gems: Rockstar Internet Marketer, Code Warrior, Writing Wizard.

Really? Does everyone have to be a rockstar or a wizard? Can’t people just be really great at their jobs, take pride in working as part of a team and not elevate their position to a fantasy level beyond their coworkers?

At Mass Media, we’ve talked about this bizarre trend for months and feel that these outlandish and tongue-in-cheek descriptions are designed to appeal to the Gen Y crowd. Does it work? Probably not. The younger generation has more online street credibility than any other generation. And they can spot insincerity a mile away.

After all, the secret to successful online marketing is not magic or mystery. It’s the same as always. Connect with people about things they care about. Dressing it up with outlandish job descriptions is silly and may turn off some very talented applicants.

But just for fun, let’s pretend that actual rockstars, warriors and wizards DID apply…

It’s Monday morning, and you get to work on time with your daily Starbucks creamy-dreamy-mocha-latte in hand. You see that the Rockstar Marketer is already at his desk.

“Great, you think, he is a keener and a Rockstar!”

Then you realize he’s wearing the same clothes he wore to the office on Friday, and they don’t look like they’ve been cleaned. As you get closer, you choke on the overwhelming smell of stale whiskey from a puddle spilled from the nearly empty bottle dangling from his hand and the acrid odor of cigarettes. Is that a new tattoo on his neck??

“Rockstar? Are you ok?” you ask.

He grunts, flicks his long hair out of his eyeliner-smudged eyes, and says, “Dude!”

Days later, you realize your Rockstar has moments of brilliance only when he’s “on stage,” doing a presentation for the sales team. And he won’t leave until he gets a standing ovation. The rest of the staff is getting annoyed, especially since his trailer stipulates they can’t make eye contact with him. And his demands for tepid Evian water and blue Smarties are wearing thin.

So you turn to the Code Warrior for moral support. Turns out he is in full warrior mode and will not be disturbed. There is even a note pinned to the cubicle wall with a spear threatening all who enter and disturb his war on code that the punishment will be most severe.

You back away, walk past the stumbling Rockstar without making eye contact and head for your Writing Wizard. You follow the smell of burning sage and a cloud of smoke. The wizard is pacing back and forth, his cape billowing behind him. A giant pot on a portable cooker is perched on his desk, bubbling and boiling with mysterious ingredients that look like tentacles.

“Is that your lunch?” you ask hopefully.

The wizard seizes you and waves the burning sage around your head as he chants to himself. You escape when he is distracted by the sprinkler system that is set off by his steaming potion and burning sage.

The rest of your day, you hide in your office, daydreaming about regular people who just do a great job. Then you craft a new job description. Experienced Internet Marketers wanted…

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Need the advantage of an online marketing consultant? My name is Marc Joffe and I have broad international experience in display, search, and social media. As a commercially minded search marketer that’s what I love to do. I work from Amsterdam, The Netherlands and make a great Dutch “toastie.” @massmediamarket. I vlog about display, seo and marketing. Subscribe to my new youTube channel

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